Internet Sunshine


SRC: [unknown]

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to
drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers - - but
imagine if they did...

HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER:  "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"

HELPLINE:  "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"

CUSTOMER:  "What's an ignition?"

HELPLINE:  "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine."

CUSTOMER:  "Ignition?  Motor?  Battery? Engine?  How come I have to know
all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER:  "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"

HELPLINE:  "Is the gas tank empty?"

CUSTOMER:  "Huh?  How do I know!?"

HELPLINE:  "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and
markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"

CUSTOMER:  "It's pointing to 'E.'  What does that mean?"

HELPLINE:  "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to
install it for you."

CUSTOMER:   "What!?  I paid $12,000.00 for this car!  Now you tell me that
I have to keep buying more components?  I want a car that comes with
everything built in!"
HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER:  "Your cars suck!"

HELPLINE:  "What's wrong?"

CUSTOMER:  "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"

HELPLINE:  "What were you doing?"

CUSTOMER:  "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all
the way to the floor.  It worked for a while, and then it crashed
 -- and now it won't start!"

HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.  What do
you expect us to do about it?"

CUSTOMER:   "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't
crash anymore!"
HELPLINE:  "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER:  "Hi!  I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because
it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes,
and power door locks."

HELPLINE:  "Thanks for buying our car.  How can I help you?"

CUSTOMER:  "How do I work it?"

HELPLINE:  "Do you know how to drive?"

CUSTOMER:  "Do I know how to what?"

HELPLINE:  "Do you know how to DRIVE?"

CUSTOMER:  "I'm not a technical person!  I just want to go places in my